My three-year-old loves Toy Story, so when I think of a 'source of power,' I admit it, Zurg comes to mind....if you don't have small children, ignore this reference.
My point is sources of power, and how we give ours away. I've been fighting (and that verb is so telling in itself) to collect a past-due payment, and at times I am beside myself with the rage, panic, and frustration. Furious that someone with whom I’ve had a long-term relationship is suddenly balking about paying me. Today I was so worked up, I had to get up and walk around the room, more than once, till I was sick of my self for how much of my energy this is taking.
I'm giving away my power to this. To the fear—what if they never pay me? To the anger—how dare they! we have a deal! To the anxiety—what if I lose my home? (It actually happened to me, a year ago, so it's not such a random fear anymore.) And I'm EXHAUSTED with it.
As I wrote last week, this fight to be paid has been good in that it galvanized me to take action and start generating other work options. But in the meantime, my own emotions are wearing me out. Energy I could be using to package new products and generate new leads, I am pouring into fretting and lamenting and raging instead. Giving speeches in my head, where I always phrase everything perfectly, and the other person grovels and rues the error of their ways. Time-wasters like that.
But I can't actually control what happens. I did my part; I did my work. If the other person doesn't do their part and pay me, what am I going to do? Ultimately, I can do NOTHING. That's part of what panics me.
But what if the doing nothing IS the source of my power?
So this afternoon, when I was so upset, I went outside with my daughter, and we fed the chickens and sat in the sun, and every time I thought of that annoying money issue, I reminded myself, ALL MY NEEDS ARE MET. And I decided to deal with this situation, not in rage, but in deep love—the love that I need right now. I will lavish that love on myself and the people from whom I’m trying to collect this money. When I go to panic place, I will do whatever it takes to refocus myself on the work at hand so that nothing takes me away from generating new clients who WILL pay me. Bottom line: I will not fight for this money anymore. I will gently, lovingly pursue it instead.
I'm a woman in business, after all, so I've decided to run my business like a woman. This is the choice I’ve made for myself: from now on, love and kindness are my source of power.
P.S. A few hours after I wrote this, I got paid in full ;)
Yeah, I don't actually blog anymore....
I used to blog all the time, but it was really TMI, so I finally wised up and took it down. Now I just write about life-and-business stuff, and even that is inconsistent. So lately I decided to cheat and post my newsletters here too. (You can join the newsletter list on the Home page.)